Where does this urge to compare ourselves with others come from? Is it something we are born with, or something we learn along the way? Is it helpful, or does it rob us of contentment? And is this the same force that made me want to know how my classmates performed in CATs, or why I am curious about the neighbourhoods my friends live in?
As it turns out, there really is nothing new under the sun. This habit of comparison has been carefully studied. First by Leon Festinger.
Key Elements of Social Comparison Theory
Social Comparison Theory was first proposed by Leon Festinger in 1954. At its core, it suggests that human beings have an inner drive to evaluate themselves, especially when there is no clear or objective way to do so (Festinger, 1954).
1. We compare to understand where we stand
People compare themselves to others to make sense of their abilities, possessions, success, and even choices. My child measured the tree against her friend’s tree.
2. Comparison happens naturally, not deliberately
Festinger argued that social comparison is almost automatic. We do not always choose to compare; it simply happens.
3. We compare upward and downward
Sometimes we compare ourselves to those who seem to have more or be doing better (upward comparison). Other times, we compare with those who have less (downward comparison).
4. Comparison affects how we feel about ourselves
Social comparison does not stay neutral. It shapes emotions. Upward comparisons can inspire, but they can also create dissatisfaction. Downward comparisons can bring comfort, but sometimes at the cost of empathy.
The Good and the Bad of Social Comparison
Social comparison is not entirely bad. On the good side, it helps us learn what is possible. It can motivate growth, improvement, and ambition. Without comparison, we might never stretch ourselves or imagine something better.
But the danger lies in letting comparison define worth. When comparison becomes constant, joy becomes conditional. Contentment is delayed until we “match” or “exceed” someone else.
Perhaps the task is not to eliminate comparison, because that may be impossible. The task is to become aware of it, to decide when it serves us, and when it steals from us.
References
Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202
Buunk, A. P., & Gibbons, F. X. (2007). Social comparison: The end of a theory and the emergence of a field. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 102(1), 3–21. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2006.09.007
Wood, J. V. (1989). Theory and research concerning social comparisons of personal attributes. Psychological Bulletin, 106(2), 231–248. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.106.2.231